Episode 33: Necessary Endings
It’s easy to love new beginnings, but we often dislike endings. We have to acknowledge, however, that endings are a part of life and learning how to end things well is as important to God’s design as having the courage to start.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 states “There is a time for every season and activity under the heavens…” There are beginnings and times designated for endings. In his book Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud shares important strategies on how to end things well.
1. Identify whether this is a necessary or unnecessary ending.
If a situation or relationship has become toxic, abusive, or destructive—it’s time for an ending.
Sometimes God is saying don’t end something, but the situation must change. Even the decision to change is a type of ending because you’re saying “I won’t live this way anymore…”
Another litmus test for change is when someone or something is depleted or damaged.
Pruning is a type of proactive ending.
2. Examine your internal mapping.
Often, it’s hard to execute an ending not because of external factors, but internal ones.
Reasons we avoid endings:
o We have an incorrect view of what we can control…or what we can’t.
o We’re comfortable with where we are.
o We’re not sure the situation is fixable.
o We fear confrontation.
o We’ve had too many painful endings and we’re trying to avoid another one.
o We don’t believe in a better future.
3. Embrace the ending and the emotions that come with it.
It takes courage to have the conversation. Embrace the uncomfortable and check out the book Necessary Endings for helpful tools on how to have those difficult conversations
We have to learn how to “metabolize” and allow ourselves to feel the grief that may accompany certain endings. The reality is, if you have emotional and other energy invested in something, when you pull that out, and let go, you are going to feel it. That’s okay. Allow yourself to feel those emotions.
Despite those emotions, keep going and have faith that God’s got you!
You can’t see the good until you leave the bad, and you can’t experience the great until you leave behind the good.
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